Many years ago, Tohar said in one of the channeled sessions that there are no real “wrong numbers”; that if it happens, and if we have confidence, we can start a conversation with the person. If a conversation develops, we might discover the reason behind the “mistake”.
I never had enough confidence to do that. Honestly, even in planned meetings, I sometimes avoid initiating conversations with people; let alone in a situation that is clearly a “wrong number”.
But that channeling made me rethink the entire experience of mistakes in life, and encouraged me to question things that might seem obvious — obviously I made a mistake, obviously it’s wrong, obviously I should apologize. Maybe it’s not really like that?
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As time went on, as the word “precision” and its various forms entered New Age language, my circuits gradually started heating up. They tend to trip when someone says, “You need to refine yourself” or “I’m in the process of refining myself”. My instinctive reaction is rebellion — I don’t want to be precise; I want to be wild. I want to live.
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My rebelliousness doesn’t necessarily mean that the use of this word is incorrect. Though, in my view, most of the time when people use the word “refine”, they actually mean “control”. In other words, “I want to make sure everything happens as it should, and nothing happens in a way other than what I want”.
My issue with control can be simply stated — it’s impossible to achieve, and the price one pays in trying can be quite heavy. Am I precise?
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Don’t get me wrong; an essential part of my work involves precision. Identifying what’s happening, what’s challenging, what’s disturbing; identifying what needs healing and what needs strengthening. But along the way, I’m willing to make mistakes, misunderstand, not know, and change my mind.
To reach the right essence, to see the truth, one must lose control, not know, not understand, get confused. Even make a mistake.
If my goal is to be precise, I might miss the place where I am and the place where I should be. Sometimes, confusion / ambiguity / misunderstanding is exactly the right place to be.
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If there’s no mistake, then what exactly needs refining?
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In my experience and perception, there are things that are mistakes, which I learn not to repeat. I don’t resort to a vague spiritual attitude that says “everything is precise” as a way to avoid responsibility.
The truth is that everything is indeed precise, and yet, we should still learn and improve to live better lives.
As Tohar once said to someone, “From our perspective, everything is always fine, but that doesn’t mean you feel good”. So maybe everything is precise, but that doesn’t mean we should settle for a mediocre life, one that lacks the very best that’s possible for us. Living like that, to me, would be a mistake.
