These days, I once again encounter my desire to escape. I feel the presence of pain within me, piercing at moments from the bottom of my abdomen up to my heart. It is emotional pain at its core, not manifesting as a physical problem – pain that I am busy hiding and trying to stop feeling.
I do this with food, so most of the time, I don’t even feel this pain. In fact, until a few days ago, I wasn’t even aware of it. A conversation with my partner made me aware of this pain, and since then, I’ve noticed it – and also the effort I invest in running away from it.
As is well-known, when women become pregnant, they suddenly see many pregnant women around them. It’s a natural law that says, ‘like attracts like.’ The same applies to me: lately, I find myself talking to people in personal sessions and workshops about how we cannot escape from our emotions. I speak to them, understanding it’s a reflection of myself, but only in recent days did I realize where this attempt to escape emotions exists within me.
There’s much to say about why we try to escape our emotions. Simply put, I think it’s our way of trying to help ourselves. There is a basic motivation within us to feel good and avoid ‘negative’ emotions, driven by a survival instinct and mistaken beliefs about our emotional world. But above all, it’s our attempt to help ourselves.
The thing is, it doesn’t really help. The food I consume doesn’t make me feel good or improve my appearance. Suppressing the pain will exact a price later if I don’t address it—one that will be greater than extra pounds.
This applies to the various ways people try to escape their emotions, whether through psychiatric medications, drugs, alcohol, sex, or emotional defense mechanisms and detachment. Most of these do not truly benefit us. In fact, in my attempt to escape something, I usually find myself deep within it, only in a more painful way.
I know there’s no choice but to feel.
So what do I do? I remind myself occasionally of the pain’s presence beneath my attempt to escape. I turn my attention to it, feel it for a few moments, and then continue with my life. The attention and willingness to feel it allows healing to occur.
At the same time, I’m going for healing sessions to address this pain, as energy healing directed at the emotional level is one of the most powerful tools for those seeking emotional transformation.
I also remember this simple truth: every emotion passes if we’re willing to feel it completely. When an emotion undergoes its alchemy, it leaves gifts behind. The one I perceive hiding at the edge of this particular pain (or at least hope is there) is the determination to create change in my eating habits.
But this can only happen when I’m willing to feel the pain. All the way through.
